Trusting your Inner Leader

Since my daughter was born 16 years ago my inner voice has changed.

I don’t quite know exactly what the tipping point was, but I know that after she was born I was so blown away by the incredible thing my body had just done that I changed my inner voice from one of teenage girl meanness (‘You’r’e not good enough!’) to something more along the lines of awe inspired inner cheerleader (‘You CAN do this!!’).

I certainly don’t mean that I always managed to speak to myself in this new way, but it certainly helped when my body was not like it was before and refused to go back there. That took A LOT of kind inner talk.

And as my daughter has grown I have became super aware that I want to outwardly model kind and confident inner talk about all that I am so that she also knows kind inner talk.

And over time my inner voice has become that of a wiser and kinder older woman, someone who has confidence in me - an inner Leader if you will.


The task today is to take a look at the voice in your head; your inner critic. You will need to have some time for this one and be aware that it could be triggering until you complete the task so set a time limit - suggestions for this are included.

No more than one minute:

Listen to (and write down if possible) the harsh rude and mean words you hear from your inner critic; the voice of ‘you aren’t a good enough mother/wife/worker; you’re not a leader; the broken record that shames and likely reflects critical people you have known in your life; and keeps you looking outside of yourself for answers.

No more than one minute

Looking back over these comments do you see how these words crash around within the chaos the mental load; Adding more pressure, more things to do. These words are repetitive & unkind and make us doubtful & anxious. But worse than this, they keep us small, and keep us doing the small things that make us feel safe.

Notice the words and what they are trying to make you do; ‘I must lose weight/ take another course/ be a better… / get better at…’

The key here is in the noticing; notice this inner voice; personify it if you like - mine was (and still is) a teenage girl, very likely someone I went to school with (in fact it could even be me as a teenager as I absorbed and believed so much criticism back then). The next step is to not argue with this voice, but to step away and turn down the volume, acknowledging that this inner voice is trying to protect you from drama or failure (that is its job!), thank it for protecting you, let it know that you are ok and ready to leap, and in doing this quieten it right down.

five minutes or more

Find your Inner mentor/voice/mother

My inner voice is part teenage critic, but mostly kindly wise older mother/leader/me, and this is the voice I choose to listen to (mostly). 

This voice exists within you right now. Can you give it some space to emerge from the noise? 

Some tips to get this voice to become louder are to imagine that you are guiding a younger person perhaps your own child (this worked wonders for me); or imagine that you are speaking to yourself as a child - how would you like that voice to sound? What voice would you choose to hear?

Try to ground this voice in LOVE, keep the words it uses simple. Stay authentic to yourself and go within to really feel the kindness of the words being used.

Guiding principles here are; Pause, ask for wisdom, listen to your instinct, be kind, centred, and start to develop a strong voice that can be a loving guide to your whole inner self (critic and all) - you deserve it.

Change your inner voice to ‘you are a good enough mother/wife/worker; you are a leader; and helps you to look within yourself for answers.

This inner voice will help you work with reality, it deals creatively with complexity and possibility, it is forward moving and problem solving, calm, kind and knowing.

Caroline UdallComment