Birthing a baby and a Mother

I always get a bit emotional and reflective at this time of year.

16 years ago in late March I was overdue and waiting for my first baby to make an apprearance.

I had my home birth plans and kit all ready and waiting, my birth partners - Nick and my Mum - quietly desperate for more information and certainty of timings, me batting away all the annoying but kindly meant ‘have you had the baby yet?’ enquiries from friends and family, and midwife offers of sweeps and hospital inductions.

(I sometimes look back and wonder how I held it all together. How I resisted and stayed so strong. I’m pretty sure it was one part stubborn strength, one part naivety, and one part having the wise words of my active birth yoga teacher ingrained into my pregnant brain. I’ll always be grateful to her for that).

15 days after her due date our daughter finally decided that she was ready to come earth side. At home. After 14 hours active labour.

Giving birth turned out to be the most incredible thing I had ever done. Powerful. Beautiful. Raw.

Who knew that this was just the first of so many profound shifts for us all. I was certainly changed forever by my experience. Yes, I birthed a baby, but I also birthed a Mother in myself.

I remember so well how many conflicting emotions came up in my own early mothering, the many transitions, the good days and not so good, and will always be so grateful for the talking therapies I sought out over the years which I know have helped me to make peace with my own experiences, my own mother, and myself. Healing that I NEVER knew I needed but which has been, and continues to be, transformative.

Caz x